Black Pain: It Just Looks Like We’re Not Hurting by Terrie M. Williams

January 15, 2008


Excerpt from BLACK PAIN (page, 208-209, “A Spiritual Hospital”)

My story as told in Black Pain by Terrie M. Williams –

After my business (the family business Perry Marketing Group) closed in 2000, I went into a deep depression. I thought I would snap out of it. I kept myself busy and tried to act like things were normal. Though the bankruptcy was humiliating, what was worse was the denial to my spiritual self.

I didn’t give myself time to grieve and express the anger, regret and disappointment I felt.

Consequently, I spiraled into despair. I could not wake up before noon and kept the blinds closed all day. I overate. I avoided friends.

But I did go to church. I put on my “church face” and went. No one knew the depth of my despair – until one day guest minister preached and asked if anyone in the audience felt like they were at the end of their rope and on the verge of suicide. If anyone was, she asked them to come forward so she could pray for them.

I was in such state to denial that I thought to myself, “Surely I can’t embarrass myself and go down there. What would people think?” The Holy Spirit then spoke to my heart and reminded me how much He loved me, and it didn’t matter what other people thought. The minister was sent to get me out of myself and come to JESUS FOR REAL.

I quit the internal debate and ran to the altar. I cried and the minister prayed for me. When I went back to my seat, instead of peculiar stares, I got nothing but hugs and love. That was my breakthrough day. I just needed enough light to see my way at the end of my tunnel, and that day God sent a flashlight looking for me. I’m so glad He did.

Pam Perry